circa 2003

i was 27 and i desperately wanted to be an artist. It had been six years since i had graduated from art school (SCAD) with a degree in illustration and i wasn’t there yet. Well, i had had a few moments. Some of my artwork was here and there in a gallery or two. But i wasn’t successful - i wasn’t making any money - i wasn’t overcome with some grand vision - and i wasn’t happy.

Yet, what i was doing was trying. i was spending time everyday thinking about my work, making notes, coming up with sketches. At some point, i began to have ideas about what i wanted to say and how i wanted to say it. So i kept working. And then it’s like one day it suddenly all came together in my mind: portraits of women captured in moments of love, strength, reflection, and beauty. i wanted them to have long necks (perhaps inspired by Amedeo Modigliani) to show a sense fragility - the same fragility that i had been feeling as i struggled to find my way.

And so, for maybe half of 2003 i created several pieces of art that i feel have stood the test of time. They are still relevant. They are still beautiful. They are still meaningful. And as fate would have it, i am finally able to share them with the world as limited edition prints and giclee reproductions. Two are available now (below) and i hope more will be available in the months ahead.

i also have some of my sketches and notes from the time. So you can see a bit behind the curtain. And so you can see how quickly i lost it - because by October i was adrift again. It was so fleeting. i was so young. And looking back now, i just accept it and i love it - all of it.

and three more hopefully coming soon(ish)

the sketchbook

i thought i’d share bits of it for a couple of reasons. to me, it’s an interesting look at both the pieces and my thoughts. i’m also still amazed how all of this came together so quickly and then was lost so quickly. the final two pages that i posted below show how it all unraveled. but you know, i’m only human. i try. and things work and then they don’t. i think experiences like these are ones we all share. and i want those who follow me to know that i’m no different. i struggle. i work. i succeed. i falter.

and i get up again.

i still love this idea - and i’m pretty sure there will be a time when i revisit it- but i’m not sure when. btw leigh is my middle name, mcdowell my maiden, and smith my married. in a way seeing the slightly different name just adds to my feeling of these being created by another artist, because my memory of painting them is so distant. perhaps that’s why i feel like i can both critique and praise the work in a way that i can’t do with the work i’m creating right now.

above - the final sketch for Wednesday Morning - i had forgotten that my first idea was of her holding a pear - not even sure when i changed it to a flower - but i’m glad i did. :)

comparing the sketch and the final piece and i feel the woman is much softer here. in the finished painting she’s stronger somehow - still beautiful but the love and strength that’s in the final piece is powerful. i’m not sure how i did that but it’s really kinda amazing.

at the time most people thought this piece was the best of the group. i wasn’t sure then and i’m not sure now.

i never ended up painting this. she reminds me of a young version of my grandmother, Gloria. one day maybe…

it’s october and she hasn’t painted for months? what? i feel like i’m reading someone else’s diary. and my opening at Biscottis never happened. i didn’t paint twelve pieces by January - i didn’t even paint one. not a single one. i couldn’t. and it was so terribly hard.

my heart breaks for her - she loses these women and she loses her ability to create for years after this. it’s like one day the wind blew an idea into her hands and then one day later it blew again and carried it all away. and when she turned around she couldn’t even see where it flew off to. this is why i really treasure what i am doing right now. and it’s why i don’t stop, it’s always on to the next idea, the next piece, i work and i work.

because who knows when the wind could blow it all away again?